I know it's been an amazingly long time since I've written here, but I just wanted to let anyone who may still read this that I have a new blog that I update semi-regularly at:

stephied.wordpress.com

It has been far too long, my friends.

Not a whole lot has happened in these last few months.


The Steph/Steve combo:
We're doing very well. Our relationship just keeps getting better. We've been dating for oh.. 10.5 months. We've had up major ups and little downs, but everything is going swimmingly. This weekend we're heading to Vancouver to look for an apartment or basement suite. Yep! We're moving in together! I'm very, very happy. I think we both are. Yayz.

Wal-Mart:
Obviously I'm not working for them anymore. I'm very glad. I left on really good terms though, so I'm not worried about getting another job. I don't really know how I feel about my time there. Some of it was fun, but most of it was action packed with drama. I'm looking forward to a change in jobs. I think 2.5 years of customer service is enough to get me a decent job.. or at least one that won't suck away my soul.

Other stuff:
My life is currently ruled by video games and LonelyGirl15 videos. I've recently become obsessed with roms. I've been playing some old school SNES games and Pokemon Blue for Gameboy. I've been rocking up the land of the Sims as well! Basically, I've become a total nerd. I'm okay with it. What else.. I'm totally back into photography and I'm going to try and get a website up before we move to Vancouver. I'll update with more info later!

I have just turned 19.


I am going to get HELLA DRUNK tonight.

As of May 2nd I am no long employed with Wal-Mart!


Seriously this time. On my mother.

meggers: got your ticket?
steph: to what?
meggers: fall out boy dude
steph: what? Are they coming here? To Vancouver?
Meggers: On 4/9 you didnt know??
Steph: Well I sure as hell do now..
Meggers: don't bother with ticketbastard.
Steph: nah. I'm going straight to eBay..

3 minutes later I had a confirmation e-mail from eBay in my inbox.


w00t. April 9th, FOB @ the Coliseum.

I have just turned 18.

Unbelievable.

( What did I spend my first paycheck on? My stupid mastercard bill. )

I have a problem and I'm not sure how to deal with it. The day after the Pixies concert I charged a 33 dollar cab ride from Next! to Horseshoe Bay and it hasn't shown up on any of my statements yet. Maybe I'm weird but I've started to feel a little guilty about it. There could be some problem too, you know. What if it didn't show up on my statement but it's there anyway and when I'm done paying off the card it'll still say I haven't payed 33 bucks for a cab ride and my credit report goes to hell, I'll never be able to get a house or get a mortgage when I fuck that up or get another credit card all because I didn't pay for a 33 dollar cab ride.

Grr. Argh. I don't want to deliver papers tonight. I want to fake an illness and make everyone else do it while I'm here, safe from the possibility of Tyler's lips anywhere near mine. Oh what a coward am I? Cowardy custard.

My bank was supposed to call me sometime soon but I've got to pick the kids up. Shit. I'm going to be late.

I'm not at school. I'll be calling uncle for a ride up at around 10, otherwise I'll catch the 10:05 bus. I'm nervous.

Hmph. Mom has a Dr. appointment at 10:20 and that should take half an hour so uncle won't be able to pick me up until she's done. I was hoping to be able to take off at lunch.

---

Huzzah! I just got back from school.

On the bus home I watched a blind woman eat fruit leather.

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Someone from The Amazing Race just registered for the Weezer Street Team. This is hilarious.

- After the interview Curtis came out all I really wanted to do was make him hug me until I felt less nervous then I felt. What's that all about?
- I was interviewed by Melissa who may have spoken more softly then I.
- Forgot to call Linda and ask her if I could list her as a reference. Big problem.
- The wal-mart dance isn't as bad as i thought it would be.
- aparently, sam walton is god.
- Melissa convinced me i'm available to work from 11pm to 7am (which i am, but i don't really want to. i will if they asked me to though.)
- michelle spilled 'a smidge' of coffee on the keyboard. we paid 10 bucks to have it professionally clean but the left shift key and the a, 1, 2, tab, capslock and f1-f4 still stick.
- cameron said he'd call either friday or saturday. this doesn't work out because on friday i've got to leave at 3:30 to hopefully catch the 5pm ferry (i think i'll make a ferry reservation anyway) to go see coheed and cambria with jonny (who i've decided is not as cute as i thought he was) and then find a hotel then come back on an early ferry so i can be home for the 7pm Bulldogs game with dad, michelle, david, cassie, [guy] and one of dads friends.
- I'm not actually sure if I really want to go to Coheed and Cambria. I don't know anyone else who'd want to go. I think I just don't want to because I don't know what Cam would think of it. I don't know I don't know I don't know.
- Wal-Mart said they'd call within two weeks. I'm not holding my breath.
- I really like this sweather I bought. It makes me feel chic.
- I think I might go buy the black version of said sweater.
- Now 9 is horrible with the exception of.. nope, nevermind. It's still completely horrible.

I was listening to Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and I thought that they reminded me of a band I used to listen to. After thinking hard for a couple songs I was disturbed to come to the conclusion that sometimes the singer sounds like Taylor Hanson.

I really hate being drunk sometimes. At the present moment I'm not really drunk, I'm just not able to drive or tell the difference between "Or" and "The".

I've changed my mind, JEW's latest is just fabulous.




I I I


This is a deciding moment. Get another drink or stay where I am and write until I can't write anymore. And I really can because this new keyboard we got is super quiet. I can write until the cows come hom.

Do any of you remember a time when something Weezer related was your homepage? It's been so long since that's been the case for me. Or any band for that matter. Whatever.

My nose is numb.


Wow. I am drunk. This is sort of scary. I guess I'm not drunk enough to start typing like an idiot. I'm drunk enough to start sending IMs to everyone on my buddy list.Gah. More later.

I can still type right, that's a good sign.

My pictures of the kids at the park turned out great except for a few that are grainy because I was using 800 and it was a little to bright out for it. With a little photoshopping they'll look alright. When I got a roll done at the mall and got the CD it cost me 24 bucks, it was only 8 bucks at Costco. You have to love that. I dropped three other rolls off for their 48 hour service, the ones with the water bomber/sunset/random port alberni shots.

Tomorrow is a job fair for Walmart. I'm not going to go. I have no resume, no experience and no real drive to have a job right now. Shady Lurker/I, Papergirl are going to be my focus right now. A rearrangement of priorities is definitely in order but until then...

One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven

Hope those worked.

Time for some major puzzle-doing/My Chemical Romance listening.

I decided to get standing tickets for the hell of it. Dad was excited.

The game was fucking awesome. The Dogs won 4-3. At two seperate moments I was inches away from Jeff Orban. The radio station here covers all the home games and if you send them an e-mail while they're announcing a game they read it on air. I spent the 2nd intermission writing to them from my cell phone. I couldn't stop laughing when I heard "And here's one from Hattie, 'Jeff Orban rocks my socks. Go dogs!'" It was awesome. I can't wait for the game next saturday but I'm also feeling anxious about it. My plan has become more complicated then originally thought. The seats aren't in the right order. I may just have to abandon the plan.

Nanaimo tomorrow. I'm only going because dad's paying for my film to get developped. Nanaimo on sunday isn't as fun as nanaimo on saturday. Ah well.

Gal won't come in, either that or he's inside hiding somewhere. He makes me worry sometimes. He caught a bird this afternoon and tried to come inside while it was still alive. Luckily he got the hint and ate it outside.

TommyWalker from ATNW wanted to cyber with me because I drunkenly told him I loved him. It was great.

Blah. There aren't any good tickets left to the game on saturday. The 5 of us could either sit nowhere near each other or just get standing tickets. The only time I like standing for 2 and a half hours is if there's a band standing in front of me. I'm torn. Well, when Michelle gets back I'm going to make her call and get tickets for the game next saturday. I have a ploy that I'm keeping secret, even from Michelle. Keeping it from Michelle will be a tricky thing but I'm sure I can pull it off. If all goes well things will be well.

Michelle has been listening to my phone posts and it's pissing me off. She heard that one I made the night I left home and saw that car accident. Since then I wake up to hearing "My sister hates it when you guys yell, it wakes her up! Do you want to wake her up? I didn't think so!" This morning Casandra actually started screaming at Michelle. I laid in bed thinking "Kid, what the fuck are you doing?" Then Michelle started crying. I almost got dressed and left again but that would have just upset Michelle more.

---

Saved! Is such an awesome movie. It makes me want a gay christian boyfriend.

---

Mom is taking the kids for the night, thank god. You know that night I left home and made that phone post? Times that anger/frustration by around 78 and you've got me right now. I shouldn't feel so angry, it's none of my business and it's not my job to decipline them. I shouldn't even care. I shouldn't even let it get to me. If I know I shouldn't feel this way why do I? For all the things I shouldn't do or feel I should know that this is the way things are and it's not my fault and it's not my responsibility to stop it. My place is somewhere in the corner where I watch silently and just absorb everything and swallow everything I'd like to say. My fear is that one day I'll stop being able to take it in. My bigger fear is that that day is coming up soon.

Oh the drama.

Poll #369953 Letter
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None

Enter your addreses if you want a letter/postcard/whatever from moi.

Man, I really really love lostprophets.

This door to door religious dude came just as I was getting dressed from getting out of the shower. I stood in the hallway trying to get my hoodie sleeves to un-inside-out themseleves. Finally I opened the door. He started talking about how these are our "last days" and that men will start loving eachother.

I thought it was really funny that "Michael" by Franz Ferdinand was blasting out of my stereo.

Any locals ever heard of The Lady Esther? I've heard a few of their demos and I love them. Too bad they broke up.

Printing tabs because I can.

I think you all should send me love via my new PO box.

Stephanie Dorward
PO Box 1122 Stn. A
Port Alberni, BC V9Y 7L9
Canada

I got the family front row tickets to the Bulldogs game tonight. Good stuff. Michelle is going to bingo for a few hours too so I get the house to myself. Plus she's giving me money to pay my credit card bill. She's buying me shoes too, huzzah. *sigh* The thought of it isn't making me as happy as it should. I'm not in a happy feeling mood right now. In fact I feel pretty lame.

I got a few.. a few pages of the 2nd issue of I, Papergirl done tonight. This one I plan to distribute, maybe even to a few houses on my route. That'd be something. It'd be a bit freaky I'd think. They'd know what I think of them, that I think Cute Boy is cute. Nah, it's not time for them to know all that stuff. I never planned on making another I, Papergirl but with recent happenings I couldn't help it.

Last night I broke down and called Cameron just to hear his voicemail greeting. Isn't that sad? I've come to that point.

A dairy queen ice cream cake sounds really great right now, if only I could eat ice cream :'(

I wish I could say I talked to Keegan or at least pretended not to be disgusted when he passed gas within 5 feet of me. Something like that would be more interesting for you to read and I to write. Instead I'll recount the tale of the treasure I found in my pantry. A bubble pack of Unisom Extra Strength sits in front of me with 3 pills missing. An empty glass that once held some strange juice inside lays near. My frantic search for something to get me through the night was well rewarded, thank goodness. The "sleeping pills" my sister has been feeding me weren't sleeping pills at all, they were a form of a strong antidepressant that's known to cause problems if you've got a less then perfect heart. In all senses of the word I am a part of those with problems. I won't get into my recent tales of a cracking ticker, you're all sick of that by now.

The house has begun to shut down at 10:00 if everyone takes their pills on time. This leaves me an ample time share to get things done, whatever "things" entail they're taken care of.

My sister has been helping me with getting "unique" pictures. I managed to talk her into standing on a median on I4 by telling her it'd make an awesome picture. It wasn't an attempt to have her fall into the path of a particularly large mack truck, that would be strictly coincidental and sad. Her excellent hearing would warn her of oncoming traffic, take it as you will. Her determination to get me to do things, anything is admirable but irking all at the same time. She is in the end my sister, but not exactly. Much like my father is my father but not exactly. Her willingness to let me fail amazes me as well. Her voice tells me she doesn't want me to quit but she flashes a fake smile and calls me "kiddo" in a way that makes me shake my head with equal parts of amusement and pure wonder.

The camera malfunctioned and the film with the median pictures were ruined. Her suggestion was to go out and do it again sometime. I'm not really one to object to such a fine photo opportunity.

The concert was really great. Tom made a fan out of me. Now, when dad was bidding on the tickets he was also watching another auction for the two seats next to ours. Well he didn't win that one. When the two ladies who did came dad wanted to ask what their highest bid was but he kept quiet. Tragic, they seemed lovely. The guy on my left smelled absolutely fantastic.

After the concert we got coke and chips then watched the news in the hotel room. I went to bed before midnight but I didn't get to sleep until 1 because the window wouldn't shut and vancouver-y noises were sneaking in and keeping me from getting to sleep.

So, dad let me sleep in this morning. Finally at 10 we went and got breakfast. We raced to Burnaby to go to Metrotown where they had NOTHING in my size that I liked at Old Navy. There was a coat I really really wanted but it went from size Small to XXL. No middle ground! Metrotown was a bust for both of us. At 12 we started heading back downtown where I was meeting Emerald and everything went really well. She got her nose/cartilidge pierced. I didn't get anything done myself, I don't have the patience to take care of anything right now. I asked my dad if he would have minded if I got my lip done and he said he'd rip it out. I'm pretty sure he was kidding.

Dad can only handle Vancouver traffic for so long so after I said goodbye to Emerald we drove down to Horseshoe Bay and had dinner at some little cafe, "Let's eat" I think. Something along those lines. Our waitress was so awesome. She was just so.. unenthusiastic yet totally interesting. The ferry home was sad. I tried to sleep but I've got problems with sleeping in public. There was a car on I4 that blew up or caught fire so we were held up for a few minutes.

Nothing else really happened until Michelle took me over to Karens. I didn't really want to go because Curtis would be there but I had nothing better to do. We got there and sat around for a bit then we started playing Skip-Bo. I haven't played that game in around 5 years so I was rusty. I caught on quickly though and came in 2nd. Curtis was standing behind me trying to give me pointers but blah, I told him to fuck off and hated the fact that his tongue has been in my mouth. Ty was there too, jerk. He's the one from that Jesus/Terrorist band some of you may know about. At the end of the night Karen finished first, me in second, Casandra in 3rd and Michelle at last. It was a sad day in skipbo land.

Here I am, Oct 17th. It's been exactly a month since my last e-mail from Cameron, a day since my last call from him and a second since I thought of him. Scratch that.

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